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BLOG | F*** my life

BLOG  |  F*** my life

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BLOG | F*** my life
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Date Added:
February 9, 2012
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Great design
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148

F*** My Life
My life sucks but I don't give a fuck

Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

Today, I woke up to my car covered in shaving cream and tampons and the word CHEATER written on my windshield in lipstick. The guy a few doors down from me in my dorm has the same car as me. I'm a virgin. FML

Today, I took a picture for my photography course of a random adorable couple kissing in the snow. Later, upon closer inspection, I realized that the guy was my boyfriend. FML

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

Today, I woke up surrounded in a hospital. I suffered a stroke and my left side is paralyzed. My mom brought me my phone that had a voicemail from my girlfriend of a year and a half saying she wanted to break up. FML

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. We've been together for three months. Two years before we began dating I received a confirmed successful vasectomy that she doesn't know about yet. FML

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name “Mom” is right next to “Mike” in my contacts list. FML

Today, I discovered a drawer in my house of chocolates, cookies, and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML


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